I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
PANTIES FOUND
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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