My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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