U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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