This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
