Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
