Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
