well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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