i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
