I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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