I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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