You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
