I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she told me i tasted like america
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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