SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Houston, we have a blender
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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