I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
