Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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