Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
