On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
