Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
