I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
