She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
