How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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