I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
