Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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