Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
