8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
