I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
