God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
