Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
