he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
