Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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