Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
