It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
