i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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