I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
