I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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