Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
