We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize