Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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