I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
