just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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