I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
