based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
