mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
