i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize