just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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