I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize