Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
