apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
