she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
try to milk me bitch
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
