Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
