we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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