i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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