Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
