sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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