it hurts more in the daytime
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
