i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
