Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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