It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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