if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
