im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
