Where did you get a picture of my penis
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
