Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
