Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
