I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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