Soap is not a condiment
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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