Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
