listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
