So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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