just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
