threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
