i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
