All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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