Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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