She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
