I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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