Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry INDIEHIPSTERFUCK hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(815): View more from Illinois

just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins

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(613): View more from Ontario

my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy

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(713): View more from Texas

splinters make it hard to masturbate

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(707): View more from California

its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me

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(281): View more from Texas

I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.

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(819): View more from Quebec

What the fuck were you guys talking about?

(1-819): View more from Quebec

Lube wrestling.

(819): View more from Quebec

Oh, makes sense.

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